How do I heal??

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (RealtorTTC) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 14:28:04 PST

Lisa, I have thought about you so many times. I imagine you after all the friends and family are gone and it is just you alone with your DH in your bed and I think about how the thoughts of your baby boy must flood your mind and devastate you............Im so sorry that you have a nursery set up for your baby and you go in there and it is empty.........Im so sad when I think about the diapers and clothes and other items that were laying in wait for him to come home..........and there they sit day after day waiting............it is just so sad.

It is very painful to think about your longing to hold your baby after he was delivered and that you relive that agony that you never got to hold him..........Im so sorry...........my heart just breaks when I think of your loving family.

I had something happen to me years ago in the hospital that ended up having a better outcome than yours, but it could have gone either way...........I ended up being very sick for a long time and...

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (Kristine73) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 14:50:27 PST

Lisa I also think of you often, We shared our pregnancies on the DIJ board togeather and I was stunned when you posted about Ace's birth. I too couldn't understand why and how something like that could happen. I have no advice for you but to let you know that others feel your pain for your beautiful little boy. I hope someday in the furture you find the healing that you need. I'm sure the pain will never go away but will at least lessen with time.
Please keep posting to us. There are many of us on here who are here for you.

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (bebe2006) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 23:51:27 PST

Lisa, I have come here time and time again but just didn't know what to write. To lose a child at any point is just heartwrenching but for you to lose your beautiful Ace in the manner that you did just defies all words. I am so sorry for your loss. Ace is absolutely beautiful and I am sure that he is the most gorgeous angel. I have no words to explain why or how. I have nothing to say that will heal your heart. I do want you to know that you are surrounded by love here and we are behind you one hundred percent. May God send you peace and I hope that your pain becomes a little less each day.

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (Kelliecbidboys) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:08:19 PST

Lisa, I cant imagine going through what you and your dh are. I am so so sorry for your loss of Ace. We are here for you. I will be praying for you and your family.

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (monks2) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 00:12:55 PST

I just couldn't hold my tears back after reading your post. I wish that there were words in this world that could take away the pain and hurt that you're experiencing. I will continually say prayers for you. That God brings you comfort even though you can't even begin to imagine that at the moment.

I had two m/cs before I had my son. I didn't carry either as long as you did. I just didn't understand why my babies couldn't be here with me. I'll never forget the day at the hospital when they told us our second baby died. It was even after we saw his heartbeat. My husband actually sobbed, his shoulders shook. I never thought I could get over that ache. But I can tell you that time did heal that wound. It didn't take away my thoughts of my loss. And I wouldn't want it that way. My babies that never graced this earth will always be honored in my heart. And I believe in God and heaven. I believe that when my time comes and I go to heaven that...

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (AnnMarie from liverpool uk) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 03:32:46 PST

i too read Ace's birth story in DIJ (i believe it was) and cried along with you hun...Ace was a beautiful little boy..it will take you along time to even feel slightly yourself again...you will know when TTC is right....i am so sorry your birth experience was not what you wanted and resulted in you losing your sweet baby...IMO alot of my family members me included had mishandled or complicated deliveries and none of us ever spoke up about it...so i always think if nothing is said nothing will change KWIM?...my cousin Heidi was admitted in 2005 with a bloody show the hospital sent her home after an hour or so...the next day she was back because the baby was actually coming out she had to hold him in with her hand all the way to the hospital in an ambulance...if that hospital had done their jobs properly little James would be here...he was born at 24weeks 1day and lived for 13days...IMO the hospital were neglegent had they kept her in overnight they would have realised that...

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (lil squirt) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 20:01:42 PST

I read your story when you first posted it. I'm sorry I didn't reply soon. I was at a total loss for what to say. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have thought about you, your DH and Ace often and wanted to send you some

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (Kasey) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:41:30 PST

My heart aches for you & your DH. No one should have to go through what you did. Like you said, you have good eggs & your body can get pregnant. Hold on to that thought, and I pray you get your baby one day.

Kasey

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (krispy76) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:28:25 PST

Lisa, I am still stunned about what happened to you. I don't think there are any words to explain the heart wrenching pain I feel for you. I honestly don't know how you cope. My loss was long ago and very early on. I think only time and faith can heal the type of pain you must be experiencing. I too think of you often and keep you in my prayers. I pray for your healing, that your experience will help others, and that you will be doubly blessed

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (sandradenise) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 10:58:18 PST

Hi Lisa,

Everyone has said it already but I just need to say, God Bless You and Keep You in your time of grief. He will let you know when it is time again to try for another miracle.

We are all here for you to talk to and as you said, it is unfortunate that so many of us have experienced losses but I believe those losses help us to appreciate the babies we do eventually go on to have. You have life in you, just give yourself some time to grieve and honor Ace.

Sandie

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (babyflu) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 09:36:01 PST

I don't have any words either Lisa... just lots of . I too think of you very often. I just can't imagine what you feel like right now. Things like this really make me open my eyes and realize that someone else has always experienced worse. I'm grateful to have my son alive. I know that you were so anxious to have him and you and your DH truly deserved this. I know you've been through a lot while TTC. I hope that time heals your wounds, and I believe that you and Rick will know when the time is right to try again. I can't imagine how sad you must be... but please know (as everyone has already said) that we ALL love you and we are also mourning your loss right along with you. As far as legal action, I have to admit that I would feel the same way. If you feel in your heart that something just wasn't right during your labor experience, then I say go for it. Only you know the answer to that. I'll...

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (ainflower) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 01:59:57 PST

I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your son. I hope and pray you and your DH do receive lots of caring and support during this next period of time. I saw a local hospital has a community education program and there was a pregnancy loss/stillbirth/infant death grieving workshop/support group/class. I don't know if working through some of the grieving with others would be right for everyone, but perhaps giving something like this a try might help. Getting some kind of help/nuturing during this time would probably be very good for healing and forming your plan as to how/when you and your DH wish to ttc again. You have a lot going on and I can only imagine how very trying all of this is.

After my first m/c I did go seek help from a counselor. Then I found that a relationship I developed with my acupuncturist really helped me. After the second m/c I didn't have any counseling immediately, but a few months later, I could tell I really needed to work out some things, so...

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (beth7919) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 13:53:54 PST

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (nadya25) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 19:56:38 PST

Lisa I also think about you and your dh and Ace every day. I think I would join an infant loss support group. Hopefully there is one somewhere around here. You will continually be in my

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (krazy1972) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 01:19:02 PST

I just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to reply to me. I am finding strength through others and this board has helped me feel like I am not alone. I know alot of women here have gone through losses and it is sad that we have to bond on that level. I really appreciate all of your kind words more than I can ever express. It is nice to have such genuine people reach out to me even though you don't really know me out in the real world (whatever that is ) I have shared the thoughts and prayers with my DH and I know that we both are very grateful for all the support.

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (tinkerbelle2485) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 00:33:44 PST

I had a loss in October at 20wks my water broke and I went to the hospital and delivered my son (my chromsomally normal son) I don't think I will ever heal you just find a way to deal with the pain and try to find joy in life again. As for trying again we started right away and are still trying it took us 2yrs the first time so I did not want to wait. You and your husband will know when the time is right. I am still grieving and its been over 8months I cry several times a week and I look at his pictures, I visit his grave and I go through the clothes I bought him and my husband and I talk about all the things we would have done with him and I also talk to him and tell him I love him with all my heart. I don't think I will ever understand why and I tried to find someone or something to blame but ultimately it didn't help as far as legal action that is something between you and your husband. I also tried counseling but talking to a stranger just didnt help me but it may...

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (mrsmurphy03) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:10:41 PST

I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't. I can only hope and pray that you will be able to heal in time. I can only imagine the pain that you are going through. Just know that we are ALL feeling sadness for you and are here for you.

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (impreggosagain) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:16:14 PST

It is hard to read your story and not break down here in my office. There are no words for thst kind of pain and there are no time limits on your heal time. I think you should take your time healing. He is your baby. I think everyone on this board cried for you and I am still. I wanted to give you and tell you that I love you. Always here.....

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (beth7919) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:02:47 PST

i cannot even imagine going through what you did please know time will help heal..although you'll never forget ..but it will be easier to get through the days

my mom had three m/c's ...she then went on to have a healthy pregnancy..and gave birth to a daughter (nicole) who was born early (but not too early) she was ok..but then caught an illness in the hospital due to unsanitary conditions...she died eight days after she was born...
i know my mom and dad had a very hard time dealing with it (this was before my sister and i were born) and i know time did heal..but every june/july my mom gets very upset..and i don't blame her! she went through all of that only to have a baby die..its horrible!
i had three m/c's which are also very hard..but nothing to compare to...

Re: How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (LPN2B) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:22:04 PST

Dear Lisa-

I think of you often, in fact, probably at least once a day. I can't come to the boards without thinking about you and wondering how you are. To see his picture again in your siggy, makes me ....yet I love to awww at his beauty cause I get to see what an angel looks like!

I wish I could somehow take just a little of your pain for you. I wish I knew you in real life, I would give you a great big .

A pain like that takes a long time to heal. I want to come up with the right words to say, but honestly, I don't think a single person in this world can, as they are not in your shoes right now. Many of us are going through the grieving stages with you, or at least I know I am. Anger, hurt, denial, a very deep deep sadness....are just some of the feelings I...

How do I heal??

feeds@yuku.com (krazy1972) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 01:02:40 PST

I have no idea how to begin to heal after the loss of my baby boy, Ace. He was 35wks and should have been able to survive even that early. We had genetic testing on him after he passed, and we just found out he was "normal" (doctors words). The placenta was examined too and nothing was abnormal with it. I wanted to make sure it didn't separate too early, since Ace was oxygen deprived during delivery. I have discussed what happened with Ace's delivery, and the perinatologist basically stated that it was ok to allow me to labor almost 48 hours. Nothing seemed out of the normal as far as the way it progressed. Basically, the thinking is that he was probably in my birth canal too long. The oxygen deprivation would lead to the bleeding and swelling on his brain. Ace had seizures after birth, which I knew was not a good sign when I saw it. The report indicated that his kidneys were beginning to fail in the NICU. My poor baby's body was shutting down...