Very upset need advice!! in Born in 2004 & 2005 Forum

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Very upset need advice!!

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finallybaby2	Very upset need advice!!		Lead	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 8427 03/19/2007 11:00 AM Mom of 3 Find me @ cs.yuku.com!	Tags : None Remove this ad I don't know if any of you remember how my mil is. She spoils Julia so much. She buys her everything (dresses, shoes etc you name it) I'm in a very though situation. Julia doesnt like my parents very much. She has said some awful things to them and it's very upsetting to my parents and myself. One day she told my mom to "Get out" and " dont like you". We had family up several wkends ago for Victoria's baptism and I was getting ready in the bathroom and my mom wanted to wash her hands. Well Julia was in there and she pushed my mom out and was trying to shut the door on my mom. I've talked to my dh that he needs to put an end to this. He needs to tell his mom to stop buying her things. She doesnt need it.. i was gone this past week, i spent time back home because my brother was home for 2wks and I wanted to spend time with him before he left to his 2nd deployement. Julia is very rude to my family. I just don't get it. She's very lovey with his family. It's grandma this aunt this!! WTF!!! Last night before we headed back home my parents bought her this beautiful dress from Mexico and my dad put it on her. She gave him this look and told him "I don't like it" It really hurt my parents so much that they took it back and told me that they are going to give it to Victoria when she's older. I get so mad at my dh because I've told him to tell his mom to stop buying her things and he said he doesnt want to hurt her feelings. WTF!!! My parents are getting hurt!! I don't know what to do. I'm starting to hate my mil!! I have a feeling down deep inside that she's doing this on purpose to be the favorite grandma and it's working. When Julia gets in trouble and I discipline her the first thing his mom does is baby her. I get so pissed off and just bite my tongue. His sister and I have already talked about this and she told me that she will say something to her mom if i wanted her to because she see's the way her mom is toward Julia. In the way i want her to but then i don't want dh to find out that i did this behind his back. If my mil keeps this up i think my marriage will fall apart because i complain to him about it so much on the way she treats her. Please help!! " src="http://thefamilybiz.org/ezboard/emoticons/cry.gif"> "Proud sister of a United States Marine" Last Edited By: finallybaby2 04/20/2011 4:55 PM. Edited 1 time.
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allybethh	Very upset need advice!!	#1	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 2697 03/19/2007 11:08 AM	Sorry you are dealing with this. Sounds like a sticky situation! I told my MIL point blank not to buy tons and tons of things for the kids. I don't want them to be spoiled and I know that she doesn't have the money. She has respected that and she will buy clothes or random things every now and then, but its nowhere near overboard. Haley loves both grandmas very much, but she says mean things and acts ugly too. She even tells me "i don't love you." In response, I just tell her, "honey, i will always love you no matter what." I think they do it for attention. They want to get a rise out of you. I hope that you can come to a common ground with your MIL on the spending, and that Julia will begin to show more love to your parents. Ally DH Rob DD Haley 03/29/04 DS Tyler 12/17/05
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Kasey	Very upset need advice!!	#2	[url]	[-]
Gold Member Over 10,000 posts !!! Oldtimer Posts: 10261 03/19/2007 12:53 PM	UUUUGH, that is a tough situation. Has your DH said anything to his parents yet? I would definitely say something to them. They're teaching her a bad thing early on, trying to buy her affection. Of course she's going to like them better...who wouldn't? And if your MIL won't stop buying her things, then maybe she doesn't need to see her as often then. That's exactly how I was feeling w/ my inlaws how they wanted to take Nathan out to eat every time they watched him. I didn't want him associating them w/ going out to eat....and you don't want Julia associating your MIL as a big present. I would be ticked if my MIL went against my disciplining. In fact one time, I was disciplining Nathan and my MIL had the nerve to offer Nathan a cookie!! I said, he does not need a cookie. I just couldn't believe it. & let us know what happens. Kasey
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DEBSBabyDreams	Very upset need advice!!	#3	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 2518 03/19/2007 3:13 PM Member	One thing that may help (Mom my had to do this with me), is to tell her when she is acting so hurtful towards your Mom and Dad is, "Don't you hurt my Mommy and Daddy! It hurts my Mommy and Daddy when you talk to them like that!" My Mom told me that when I kept being mean to my Grandma she told me that and it made me stop. Just the realization that I was hurting my Mommy's Mommy made me stop. Debbie(28) DH(21)
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MayDay02	Very upset need advice!!	#4	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 5807 03/19/2007 7:14 PM Madelyn's Mama	that would be hard! Does she see your parents and your DH's parents the same amount of time? DD has always been kind of partial to DF's family compared to mine. She sees my family more and only sees DFs once or twice a month but, STILL. She is ALWAYS talking about DFs family. She loves my family and likes to visit with them but, not like DFs. Funny thing is, my mom and sister are the ones who spoil her! DF's family doesnt have much money to spoil DD but, still they are the "favorites". I would have a serious chat with your MIL and tell her how this is hurting you and your parents. Lydia Me- 23 DH to be- 25 DD Madelyn Rose Born 4/20/04 My breastfeeding career so far: 26 Months with DD#1
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LaurieGee	Re: Very upset need advice!!	#5	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 2969 03/20/2007 9:32 AM	Remove this ad Well, unfortunately you can't change what other people do. If it were me, I would tell her how much she's hurting your parents, I bet she doesn't understand the power of her words. I go through this with Maria and ex and I. But I know that she values the time and attention more than the gifts and money. Maybe you could even have your mom pretend to cry so Julia sees it hurting her. I am sure she loves your parents, she's just confused about what love is. Maybe your MIL says see how much I lvoe you, all this stuff I buy. Good luck with it all. Kids blog..mariamatthew.blogspot.com/
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Stef17	Very upset need advice!!	#6	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 6317 03/20/2007 1:46 PM	I would talk to her too. I would tell her that while you appreciate the gifts they are actually not good for Julia. Tell her that Julia has come to expect things from them all the time and you don't want her to always expect a gift because that's not realistic. Also, I would tell her that your parents don't give her gifts like that and so because of it she is rejecting your parents. Tell her this is not the message you want Julia to grow up with and so, "while I hope I'm not hurting your feelings, because we really do appreciate what you do.... WE are asking you to please stop the gifts except for special occasions." GOOD LUCK honey!
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rfoxxy76	Very upset need advice!!	#7	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 6171 03/20/2007 2:11 PM Mommie of 3!	I would talk to her to..she has to follow your ways with julia or it's going to be a mess like this. plus playing favorites it never nice business. she should know better. hugs hun. i would just tell julia like debbie..you are hurting my mommy and daddy and that's not nice.rach
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finallybaby2	Very upset need advice!!	#8	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 8427 03/22/2007 3:26 PM Mom of 3 Find me @ cs.yuku.com!	Thanks ladies. I've alreay told my hubby to tell her and he has but not in a serious talk with her. I know I should say something to her but I don't want to start any trouble with her or hubby. It just feels like Julia thinks she needs something from her all the time. Maybe she's already used to it and that's why she likes her so much. There are times that when she talks to her on the phone Julia asks my mil if she bought her a dress!! I don't want to her think that she needs something everytime we go visit them. Yes from the beginning when we would go back home and visit that's where we would stay at. Now are will stay there on Friday and then on Saturdays at my parents. I don't want Victoria raised this way either and now that she's this small I will put my foot down on her, I think it's too late for Julai but it won't happen with Victoria. Or am I wrong for it to be too late for Julia!!! a United States Marine" Last Edited By: finallybaby2 04/20/2011 5:36 PM. Edited 1 time.
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sandiegottc	Very upset need advice!!	#9	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 2331 03/22/2007 3:43 PM Member	I tried to reply to your message before but it didn't let me.. .. I had the same problem with my DD.. she really didn't like my mother.. or was 'shy-er' around her (my parents in general) than DH parents.. and I have noticed a few things.. .. Both my mom and DH mom's buy her lots of things (well everyone!!).. BUT in your case it seems like that might be one thing that is making Julia like your MIL more than your MOM.. so instead of asking your MIL to not buy her things.. tell her to give the things to YOU and not Julia directly.. because its creating a habit and you want to break it.. tell her that she (Julia) is expecting EVERYONE to give her something (EVEN IF THIS IS NOT TRUE!!.. sometimes you have to LIE to get things to happen your way.. specially with people who get (like my sister says!) BUTT-Hurt easily!!).. .. For my DD it was that she wasn't spending as much time with my mom and dad.. WE would go visit them about the same time.. but when we were at my parents my little sisters would just take her away.. to color.. or to play.. and of course m y DD loved it.. and prefered to be with them than with my mom.. who seriously.. just doesn't always want to play.. and would rather just hug her and kiss her etc.. SO I have started to tell my sisters to NOT come and get her right away.. or I would tell them to take her to my mom.. so that my DD interacts with her more.. and she does.. she now likes to see what my mom is doing.. and will ask her to go show her how to water the plants.. etc.. simple things my mom is doing.. and would be doing.. and not exactly just sitting coloring with her.. or playing legos.. or whatever.. you know.. .. DH mom she is like that.. she will DROP everything she is doing.. she will stop going places she NEEDS to go.. in order to spend every single second with my DD.. she will take her away to another room to make sure that DD does NOT play with DH father or sister.. (because DD prefers DH sister over the parents.. because they play differently!).. .. Another thing I have done to make sure DD feels more connected to my mother is.. whenever I talk on the phone with my mom.. I make sure DD is around.. and she hears that we talk.. and then I tell DD .. that grandma sent her a kiss.. and I kiss her.. and I ask DD to do something special for her grandma at school.. so now DD actually ASKS to talk to her grandma.. and asks to go see her.. and she wants grandma to come visit.. (grandma is my mom.. DH mom is nana).. so now she is becoming more friendly with her.. .. Your mom does not live in the same town as you right? how about your MIL?.. maybe she feels a lot closer to her because she is nearby too.. and that you just can't change.. .. but you can try to make sure your mom is JUST as present in her life.. talk to her.. tell her stories about your mom and you when you where little.. I have done a LOT of things.. and show DD pictures of us when we where little.. and show her that GMA is there.. etc.. SHE is still sometimes a little resistant.. but now she doesn't fight it.. last night.. we went to visit my older sister.. my mom is there.. helping her out since she just had a new baby.. and my DD wanted nothing to do with her for a while.. she was just playing with her cousin.. but then her cousin left.. and she got shy.. because she heard the baby cry.. so I told her.. ask your grandma to take you see the baby.. and she ws VERY happy .. and she started connecting with grandma then.. and continued the rest of the night.. Its just little things.. you can start doing.. .. BUT do start telling your MIL to not give Julia the things she buys her.. to instead please give them to you.. because you really want to break this habit!! Good luck.. Xuxenita born 08/03/04 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Xuxe (30) DH (33) Married 06/07/03 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Website - NOT WORKING Xuxenita 08/03/04 - 7lbs 7oz/19in 10/03/04 - 13.2lbs (97%)/24.5in(>97%) / hc: 15.25 (50%) 12/10/04 - 17lbs 5.6oz (97%)/ 27in (>97%) / hc: 16.25 (50%) 2/3/05 - 19.55lbs (97%) / 28.5in (>97%) / hc: 16.865in (50-75%) 5/3/05 - 22lbs (95%) / 29.5in (97%) / hc:17.5 (50-75%) 8/4/05 - 23.6lbs (75-90%) / 31.5in (>97%) / hc 17.75 (50-75%) 3/6/06 - 28 lbs / 33.875in / 9/3/06 - 32 lbs/ 38.25in
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finallybaby2	Very upset need advice!!	#10	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 8427 03/22/2007 4:39 PM Mom of 3 Find me @ cs.yuku.com!	Remove this ad Xuxe, both my parents and inlaws live in the same town but we dont, we live 3 hrs away!! "Proud sister of a United States Marine" Last Edited By: finallybaby2 04/20/2011 5:24 PM. Edited 1 time.
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Very upset need advice!!

Very upset need advice!!