that your life has changed completely since having children and your DH's life has not? Kristin (babyflu) and I had this conversation the other day and we both feel the same way. While my DH loves Mallory dearly, his life has not changed at all. Like when he goes out with his friends, he never "asks" me to go out he just does. While if I would like to go somewhere by myself , I have to ask him or someone to watch Mallory...please tell me I am not alone???
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Do you feel??
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 gibsonbaby06 |
Do you feel?? |
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mommieof2girls |
#1 | |||
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Oldtimer
 Posts: 2825 10/04/2007 8:01 PM Mommy of 3 girls! |
I understand what you mean. He still gets up goes to work and I am here all day with the kids. While I love it I get tired. He has been golfing his butt off
lately....he doesn't have to find someone to watch the kids or ask if I have anything to do....he just can tell me he is going and go. Yes, if I want to go
somewhere I have to clear it to make sure he is going to be around. NOT that he tells me to or whatever, but I never know what he has planned.
I don't think that they get it. |
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jaceycat28 |
#2 | |||
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BTDT
Posts: 990 10/04/2007 8:13 PM
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i have forced joe to take some responsibility. i have been known when i get pissed just to walk out and leave him with haven. alot of his friends resent the
fact he has a kid and i think that has made joe appreciate us at home more.
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RealtorTTC |
#3 | |||
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you are not alone at all!!
 I have felt many times that my life has changed so much more than my DH has................when he goes to work he just gets
himself ready and goes............he never stops to think "whose got the kids" or " what if I have to work late"...............whereas I
have to get everyone ready and I have to make sure arrangements are made for the kids and if I work late I have to take care of that too..........
Its not that he wont help me, its just that it seems the planning phase of raising children doesnt apply to him............... 
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Laineys Momma |
#4 | |||
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Mod 
I can help you! Gold Member  Over 10,000 posts !!! Oldtimer
Posts: 18508 10/04/2007 8:50 PM
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You are not alone... I will come back later to finish this response and DH did in fact take the kids to McDonalds and NOW I HAVE TO GIVE BATHS!!!!!
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cmgaml |
#5 | |||
 You are so not alone!! I feel the same way....if I want to do something, I half to make sure the kids are taken care of, everyone is dressed and ready,
etc....if J goes out, he doesnt worry about a thing, and even if he takes kids somewhwer, it is I that gets them ready.....I think it is something in the male
brain that doesnt work like ours does!
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beth7919 |
#6 | |||
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Mod
I can help you! Platinum Member  Over 30,000 posts !!! Oldtimer
Posts: 35364 10/04/2007 9:45 PM Drew's Mommy!
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my dh's life has changed a little...but mine has ALOT...and i woudn't have it anyother way ...i love having drew around
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jeanineb |
#7 | |||
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Oldtimer
Posts: 3697 10/04/2007 9:57 PM
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i know mine has changed a lot more then his has. he basically just gets up and gets ready for work where as i get up, get myself ready for work before she gets
up then i nurse her and get her ready to be picked up by her gran. i work from home and still have to be logged in at a particular time and be working so i
cannot goof off in the morning. my dh does do a lot so his life has changed but not even close to as much as mine. he does pick her up after he is done working
(since he gets done before me) he watches her once a week plus the time after he is done working during the week till i get done work.
if he wants to go out he does not even think twice about asking his mom to take her (when i am working) where as when i am off....i plan what i have to do with her with me. i think it is just a man thing cause they know that we will instictually put the children first! |
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Laineys Momma |
#8 | |||
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Mod
I can help you! Gold Member Over 10,000 posts !!! Oldtimer
Posts: 18508 10/04/2007 11:21 PM
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OK, now that I have settled down I can answer this honestly instead of 'in the heat' of the moment....
Both of our lives have changed. Chad is 'forced' to work a job that he would much rather NOT have because they have excellent benefits and with the girls' (Shelby mostly) issues w/ their feet and such we can't change insurance for awhile as to make sure everything turns out ok. Plus with a new baby on the way we really can't NOT have health insurance...so he feels 'trapped' in a job because of that. Chad no longer does his 'hunting week" with his dad, brothers, and uncles because they always go over the week of Thanksgiving and with Delainey bday being 11/28 he refuses to miss her birthday. Chad does so much for our family that 'isn't'seen every day. I on the other hand am very hands on with our children. I stay home, there for the house, children etc duties are 'my' responsiblity... BUT because this is what I have choosen. Chad will help if asked, but I do have to ask... or get to the end of my rope (like today) and demand some time to myself. More often or not I am taking at least one child with me when I go somewhere etc where as when Chad does his 'running' he gets to go alone etc. But I agree completely with what you and Kristin are saying... that is how our life is as well... BUT I am have been trying to give Chad the credit to to him where it is due... (if that makes sense).... |
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gkmt50 |
#9 | |||
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Titanium Member 
Over 40,000 posts !!! Oldtimer
Posts: 50024 10/05/2007 12:13 AM
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I know what you mean... it does get to me that dh just decides to do something and let me figure out how everything will fall into place. How about I call him
at 4pm and say "I am taking a class from 6-10 on weeknights" and just let him figure out who is watching the kids, making their dinner, bathing
them??
 no I don't think so...
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WavRunnr |
#10 | |||
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Oldtimer
Posts: 3854 10/05/2007 4:06 AM
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beth7919 wrote: that's exactly how I feel (except switch drew with evan) 
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AndieVetTech |
#11 | |||
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Oldtimer
Posts: 4488 10/05/2007 5:26 AM
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I totally agree with Toni, if wasn't home from 6:30 pm to 9:30 pm I don't know how well DH would manage...he's good with the girls, that's not
the issue, but doesn't really "do" meals well, etc. and will let them slack on baths, etc. (And I hate when the girls are dirty, LOL!) He
realizes all that I do, but isn't the greatest at helping me out on a regular basis. Gets frustrating, and gets him less sex!
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impreggosagain |
#12 | |||
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Oldtimer
Posts: 6084 10/05/2007 6:47 AM
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I think in our situation, I can see how both of our lives have changed. On the other hand, I do not get the weekends and evenings off like he does sometimes.
Lately, I have been just getting up early on Saturday morning and dipping out for a few hours. You need time off because if not, you go crazy!!!! He thinks
because he has changed a little then he deserves "days off". Such as, this weekend he is going to Mississippi to be in his nephews wedding. The kids
and I are not going because I hate being so pregnant in someone else's house. I want to be comfortable on my long weekend not cramped in someone elses
space. So this is his weekend off?? Uh hell no, he is taking the boys. How do I know? I packed the boys' bags last night and told him if he goes, they go!
   
   
   
  
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jabc123 |
#13 | |||
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Gold Member Over 10,000 posts !!! Oldtimer
Posts: 10307 10/05/2007 6:48 AM Member |
 I feel the same way!
 
<a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://tt.lilypie.com/qEjbm5.png" alt="Lilypie 21 - 37 day cycle Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
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RealtorTTC |
#14 | |||
 Peaches, I love you!! Can my DH come live with you for a few weeks so you can get him in gear??
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Kristine73 |
#15 | |||
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Oldtimer
Posts: 3876 10/05/2007 7:30 AM Evan's Mommy! |
same here. DH's life has changed a little but mine is 90% differant. I do make him responsible for some things but I also support him in the things that
take him away from family time.
He's in a band and he LOVES music so I wouldn't ask him to give that up. He has asked if I want him to because it takes so much time away from us. But I told him to keep going. They just put out an album and are going to be going on tour. His job has agreed to give him some time off. So I told him to go. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I wouldn't want him to miss it. So while his life hasn't changed I don't require him to change it. If he wanted to on his own that would be fine. But like Beth said I wouldn't have it any other way. |
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abq27 |
#16 | |||
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Oldtimer
Posts: 8542 10/05/2007 7:52 AM
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I make DH do a lot too, but yes, I still do more then him. He is so good about letting me have girls nights out - in fact I was just out last night! So its
hard to complain too much because I know it could be worse.
It is funny how if we have to do something we ASK if we can do it and if they can watch the baby, but if they want to do something they TELL us they are going to do something. |
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Blukoolaid5 |
#17 | |||
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Oldtimer
Posts: 6498 10/05/2007 10:04 AM We built her an Army! |
 I hate to admit this but dh's life I think has changed more... I leave the house early during the week... he works from home and "goes in"
at 10:30 so he is the one getting the kids up, fed, dressed. The boys on the bus and then he takes Kalani to daycare...... if they are sick he gets them and
they stay home with him... I do get them all after work and bus them around to practice and pick up Kalani from daycare... but on the weekends and stuff if I
need to run to the store or anywhere he will say.. "just leave the kids here so you can do it quicker" I have to almost pleed with him to let me take
atleast one of the boys to keep me company!!.... if he goes to the store he ALWAYS will take atleast one of the boys.. about once a month the ladies from work
and I will go out... dancing/dinner whatever... and he doesn't mind at all... he even watches his sisters 2 girls and our 4 so that we can go shopping and
stuff...... I guess I am pretty lucky to have him... I think he may get lucky tonight!
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brianjen |
#18 | |||
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Oldtimer
Posts: 6175 10/05/2007 10:31 AM Nolen and Sammuel's mom!
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My dh does great. Of course, Nolen is my responsability all day long, as dh is at work but he is great at helping out. After supper one of us cleans up
and washes dishes and the other gives Nolen his bath....If Nolen wakes up in the middle of the night dh usually changes him and I make a bottle and if he needs
to be rocked Dh does it....And I go back to bed. I never asked him to....He just feels its a time when I can have small break. If we are going somewhere I
lay clothes out for Nolen...dh gets him and the diaper bag ready while I get ready. And dh will usually carry Nolen into stores, ect....And he HAS to push the
stroller...I'm not allowed. Dh gets alot of time though...and does alot of stuff...and has his share of toys.
 
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gkmt50 |
#19 | |||
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Titanium Member
Over 40,000 posts !!! Oldtimer
Posts: 50024 10/05/2007 12:39 PM
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I make DH do a lot too, but yes, I still do more then him. He is so good about letting me have girls nights out - in fact I was just out last night! So its hard to complain too much because I know it could be worse.  Like Kristine said earlier, I do want dh to do the things he enjoys... But it is the ask/tell thing that I find 'less than amusing.'
Anyway, I am trying to get better about this... a few times this week I've just told dh 'I need to run out' and let him handle the kids. 
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customdecorator |
#20 | |||
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Absoutely!!! He takes the older kids places all the time, so I get a break from them, but he still does what he did pre-kids, except takes Parker to daycare in
the mornings.
Kaitlin 5/28/98 7lbs 2 oz * Preston 9/20/01 9lbs 12.5oz * Parker 7/29 9lbs 15oz
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- Trying to Conceive
- Coping with Loss
- Adoption Support
- Baby Name Obsession
- Pregnancy General Questions & Answers
- Birth Stories
- Something to Talk About
- Graphics Forum
- Classified Ads
- Thread Groups
- Cooking, Nutrition and Weightloss
- Breastfeeding
- Full House Families
- Moms of Many
- Moms of Multiples
- Family Feud
- Born in 2010
- Born in 2009
- Born in 2008
- Born in 2007
- Born in 2006
- Born in 2004 & 2005
- Journals & Photos
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- Second Trimester
- Pregnancy Forum
