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Thank you all for your support - I really do appreciate it!

I am keeping guarded hope for Monday ...I am hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. My bleeding has completely stopped and I was pretty queasy all day yesterday. That doesn't really mean a whole lot though - blighted ovums give you the same symptoms as a normal pregnancy. I suppose what I am saying is that at least I haven't bled like mad and the symptoms continue. Ugh.

As far as the clothing go ...can't cancel the order. The best I can do is receive it and return it to a local store (I got some great deals, maybe I should just keep them?!) Can you tell I'm a shopper? I'll be fine with it - I have a trunk full of maternity and baby clothing already. I have been saving stuff for two years now. In fact, I was going through it the other day and had to giggle ...I found the outfit that I brought my dd home from the hospital in (she's almost 15 now) I was so sure that I was having a boy that I got this little blue and white striped outfit from Hanna Andersen (their stuff is great) for the .5 mile trip home from the hospital I think my Chloe was the only baby girl wearing blue that day, but I didn't care I was on I was so sure that it was a boy, but I had a girl and I wouldn't have changed a thing. Hmm, I suppose my point here is that we never know what we're going to get or not get. Maybe I'll be lucky and have a reason for those great clothes sooner than later, who knows? I would be bummed if I got rid of them only to wish I hadn't in a few months ...I mean, how many pea coats do you ever find for 14.99 from the Gap?

As far as the loss - it's no picnic. I am sad, angry, disappointed, teary, cranky, the list goes on. I have my up moments, like now, and my down ones, like my first posting above. I need to prepare myself to the best of my ability for the worst on Monday. Should the news be bad, I will wait until I get home from the doctor's office and I will scream like a banshee into my pillow. I will cry so hard that my eyes will be nearly swollen shut. My nose will be so clogged from crying that even blowing it won't help. My head will pound. I'll feel cheated. I'll feel that it was partly my fault for the medication that I have to take. I won't feel like leaving my house and when I do I'll feel jealous of every pregnant woman that I see. There will be no words that make me feel completely better, but for those who are experiencing this sort of loss, I can say to them "I can relate" and perhaps offer the same support that you all have given me. It is a very difficult experience that truly can't be understood by those who haven't been through it. It is a terrible learning experience that has made me more compassionate toward others who have loved and lost.

From previous experience, I know that in time, I will better accept what has happened and it won't be such a stabbing pain.

If for some reason I am wrong in what I predict Monday's news to be, I will be all the more appreciative of the baby that I thought was gone. I will celebrate with great relief and then continue to worry about every twinge. I'll continue to worry about the baby until that baby is no longer a baby and I am long gone. I'll be happy to worry.

Thank you all for your kind words, support and encouragment. I am so thankful to have a group to turn to who can relate to me.

Thank you!

Yes, my levels were doing great, nearly tripled in three days. My doctor doesn't want to check my levels anymore, she feels that ultrasound is a more reliable indicator of a viable pregnancy. hCG levels are strange sometimes!