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Hi Denise, I am a lingerer myself. I am so sorry for all of your losses. I had to deliver my little 18 weeker in January. I don't post much but there are tons of supportive women here. If you want to talk there is always people to listen.

Stacy

Denise~
Hello sweetie and welcome to our board. there are a tremendous amount of wonderful supportive women here. They have helped me A LOT through the stillbirth of my son, they have kept me going through all of this.

As far as how to handle family, just simply tell them how you feel. Tell them that it just plain hurts to talk about it right now, and let them know it wasn't anything they said but that it just hurts inside to speak of it all of the time. If they are understanding they will give you the space you need to grieve.

I am sooo sorrry for the loss of your children hun.
{{hugs}}

I'm sorry

It is not easy going through these things.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Denise,

First of all, sorry for your loss. The pain, sadness and grief of one m/c is awful, the fact you had eight is heartbreaking.

Right after my m/c I could not speak with anyone...I just could not talk on the phone and there was no way on earth I wanted any visitors. Thankfully my family, friends and co-workers were very understanding. I had announced my pregnancy because I had a good ultrasound and heartbeat.
If I had to do it over again, announcing the pregnancy that is, I think I would do it. Even though I could not receive the support right away, eventually I was able to venture out into the real world. I still bump into people that think I am expecting and have to tell them I m/c, that is hard, for the most part I did not have to actually verbally tell many people.

Everyone suffers grief differently, you can't rush it, the process of recovery just has to happen. I often equate it to a pendulum, swinging back and forth, sometimes still very raw and sometimes more a dull ache.

Our OB recommended waiting two to three full cycles after the d/c in order for the lining in the uterus to build up to a good thickness. Sure I am scared that there will be problems and even another miscarriage. I am sure you have focused on your goal, a happy, healthy baby as an end result. That is what DH and I are doing, planning and hoping for positive results in our future.

I wish you all the best and hope you find the time out necessary to heal your wounds and try again.

Regards,
Kim

Hello. I am new to the boards also. I had my second m/c on 3/28/04. We are TTC again, although I have my fears. Drs. do not know why I have had these problems. Young and healthy. Have one beautiful daughter, 3 years old. Will be 4 in July. Sometimes I wonder how I was so lucky to have her.

I lost my job b/c of the work I had to miss during the pregnancy complications. Just found a job today! Yeah! I have been unemployed for 5 weeks. I haven't even wanted to crawl out of bed in the mornings. All I want to do is stay in bed and cry. My friends and family call and I don't want to talk to anyone. I just let the phone ring. It seems like people just expect you to snap out of it...how?!

I've followed every book and advice from other women I am keeping my fingers crossed that this next baby stays with us. We have made the hard decision to not tell anyone about the next pregnancy until after the first ultrasound. I can't deal with having to explain to EVERYONE what happened.

I am thinking of all of you.

-Mare

Hello. How are you? We are actively trying again now. Kind of early in the cycle, but I figure a few days early doesn't hurt anyone.

Are you actively trying again yet?

Sorry to hear about your loss as well. It's tough.

My daughter helped me piece myself back together again too. I was sitting at dinner wondering to myself what made her survive the whole nine months and not the others? No one can answer such a question, but for some reason I thought it.

Amy,
thank you... I thought most of my greiving was over,, but reading your email of kindness got me misty eyed again...thank you for knowing without describing...
sometimes I feel foolish for keep on trying for another baby... I don't know maybe I am foolish... I think God has a plan and wonder too if maybe God is trying to tell me 1 is enough... some family has told me I should stop after this ... feel resentful they decided for me ... another whole story in itself.. haha..
denise