He brought it up last night...the last thing I wanted to hear! in Moms of Many Forum

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He brought it up last night...the last thing I wanted to hear!

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msmommy	He brought it up last night...the last thing I wanted to hear!		Lead	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 1674 12/05/2007 2:14 PM	Tags : None Remove this ad So we have four kids. Yours, mine and ours. We have a beautiful blended family and I love it. It's perfect...then last night Dh said the unthinkable..."So are you ready to have a sibling for Jianna?" Oh dear! There is 5 years between the youngest of the older kids and Jianna. We have a 9yr old, a 7yr old, a 5yr old and Jianna who is 8 1/2 months. I do not want anymore kids. I am VERY happy w/ the four we have. My dh feels that we need a playmate for Jianna. Did you and your DH agree when to stop having kids? Did you want more and DH didn't? How do you deal with this? Would I love to be pregnant again, yes! Would I love to have another baby? Of course, but I don't feel like I have to. I feel complete right now. But Dh doesn't. I have no idea how to convince him that we should be done... What are your thoughts. Happiness!
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gkmt50		#1	[url]	[-]
Conception & So Much More ADMIN Titanium Member Over 40,000 posts !!! Oldtimer Posts: 50025 12/05/2007 11:02 PM	Well, if you want to convince him, I would start with having him do more diapers But maybe he feels like he needs to convince you? When I talked to DH about having another, I said something like 'we're crazy' and he said 'no, you're crazy and I'm your enabler' Anyway, I do want another but when I think too much about going thru the newborn stage again, it really makes me reconsider! Big hugs to you and good luck with coming to some agreement! .........................................
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GayMom		#2	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 1641 12/06/2007 2:06 PM Member	I would love the chance to have another one. But if you don't feel you are wanting that or are ready for that, then say so. Tell him that you think waiting another year would be good spacing between the two so that they will be close but not too close. I have then 15 months apart and it can really be taxing physically and mentally. Then, if you really don't feel like another is in the cards, give yourself time to come to terms with it and then tell him.
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ronniesaid		#3	[url]	[-]
Conception & So Much More ADMIN Platinum Member Over 30,000 posts !!! Oldtimer Posts: 37600 12/07/2007 10:25 PM I love a child with autism! Find me @ cs.yuku.com!	have all of them get the stomach flu at the same time - nothing like 4 kids puking to make you not want a 5th!! we learned that one last week
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AmandaadnamA		#4	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 3901 12/08/2007 9:09 AM I Quit!!	I have had my tubes tied, so obviously we aren't having anymore but we did go through this before I had Audrey. I honestly couldn't imagine having 5 children. Especially with the youngest 2 being so close in age. It was hard enough for me to get to the older kids ball games and things this summer with a 3 year old and a baby. I don't think I would have made it if Maddux wasn't at least slightly independent. I hope you guys can come to a decision easily. Jakob Michael-10 Spencer Andrew-9 Maddux Ryan- 5 Audrey Michelle- 2 years
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mommieof2girls		#5	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 2825 12/08/2007 1:55 PM Mommy of 3 girls!	I was in the same boat. I DID NOT want anymore kids after Addison. I was on the brink of insanity! lol He wanted another one and I just did not want to go down that road again. UNTIL.....I woke up one day and thought....I have to have another baby. I want another one! lol It was like God was nudging me saying....you are going to have another one...better get in a better frame of mind to do it! lol It is a hard thing when one wants one and the other doesn't. i used to get mad at Adam for wanting more and I didn't. It will all work out. If you truly are done, then you are done and he will get over it.
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Blukoolaid5		#6	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 6498 12/10/2007 1:53 PM We built her an Army!	we are "working on" # 5 now... our boys are 12, 8, and 6 and then our daughter is 19 months now... its been kind of weird... at first I was wanting another and he wasn't ready then he was ready and I thought I was done then We went around again.. now we are both wanting another ... I thought for awhile there that I was ABSOLUTELY done.. I was happy with the 4 and they are awesome.. but that has changed now and I can't wait till/if we bring another one home to complete us...
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esamarie		#7	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 1420 12/11/2007 8:50 AM	Remove this ad I gave my DH a 3 month pass. I do not really want anymore, simply because we are so busy with the 3 we have. With my older two being in school, there is a lot going on. Sports, homework, Awana (Bible study for kids), other school activities, etc...... it's a lot to do and i am tired! But, DH really wants another one, especially so Mason has a playmate like our older 2 had each other. I see his point, but the whole pregnancy isn't my favorite part or the first few months when they are trying to figure life out and we get no sleep. So, starting next month, we are going to TTC for a few months. If nothing happens, he is getting snipped. This way, I am giving him a chance, in a little window of time and if it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be in my mind.... sounds weird, but it's the best "compromise" i could come up with.
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Angel320		#8	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 2081 12/11/2007 10:45 AM	I am the one that didn't want anymore. DH would love to have another one and some days I do feel bad about that. However, our kids are 10 years apart. Being pregnant at 34 was much harder than 24. It took us 7 years to get pregnant with DD so I am not willing to go down that road again. The beginning of DD's life was so hard. She was colicky and DS had to be places at certain times so DD was being drug around everywhere. Now that she is out of the colicky stage, life is easier. I would love to have more babies but between time, finances, and health, it just isn't practical.
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mommababyboy		#9	[url]	[-]
Gold Member Over 10,000 posts !!! Oldtimer Posts: 17018 12/12/2007 5:19 PM Three Buetful Girlz! Find me @ cs.yuku.com!	pray about it and i would probably do the few month thingy and see if it happens.. sounds like your considering it anyways.. i think blended families are awesome!
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WavRunnr		#10	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 3854 12/14/2007 7:18 AM	it's funny, they just talked about this on dr. phil. on a scale of 1-10 (10 being Absolutely Positively DO NOT), how strongly do you feel about not having another baby? And then on a scale of 1-10 (10 being Absolutely YES), how strongly does he want another child? if you're both totally honest you can see where you both fall and see how important it is to both of you. if it's a 6 for you and a 10 for him, then it might help you to understand each other better. just a suggestion.... I'm a member of a blended family and I don't have any siblings that are all the way true blood siblings (they are all half). I would love to have a real sibling now that was close in age to me. good luck with your decision. I know it's not an easy one. Our Blog
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msmommy		#11	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 1674 12/14/2007 11:10 AM	thanks for your feedback. I have been praying about it and we are taking the waiting approach. He's not ready to close that door yet so I guess we will see. I would like him to decide by the time Jianna is a year old. So we have 3 months. Happiness!
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mommieof2girls		#12	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 2825 12/14/2007 3:47 PM Mommy of 3 girls!	Good luck! If it is meant to be then I believe it will!
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kristy H23		#13	[url]	[-]
Oldtimer Posts: 1184 12/21/2007 2:18 PM	My DH was on the fence, I wanted another one. This is it for us though, I'm getting my tubes tied. It's funny though, a playmate for Lily is exactly why we decided to go for #4. We have a 7 year old, a 6 year old adn then Lily who's almost 1. We figured she needed someone closer in age to play with and my older kids are each others best friends, I did't think they'd bond as well with Lily, so we wanted to give her the chance to have that kind of relationship with a sibling too.
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RealtorTTC		#14	[url]	[-]
Gold Member Over 10,000 posts !!! Oldtimer Posts: 14325 01/01/2008 8:06 AM Find me @ cs.yuku.com!	Remove this ad I wanted to have a 3rd and DH wasnt on board. Not because he didnt want more kids but because it really strains our marriage during the first couple years..........I dont ever feel like he helps me enough and he feels like he is killing himself for me and getting no credit..........so it is a constant battle for about 18-24 months...........he said he just didnt want to go through the stress of that again but he did want another child............so I told him I would try to be appreciative for what I had and not critisize him too much if we could try again.............he agreed and here we are! It has been hard again because old habits die hard but it is better the third time than all the others...........it seems we are finally catching on with how to make the first bit of time work out better for us! If I were you and had 5 kids and didnt want anymore, I would try and figure out why. Is it because you are already so maxed out with responsibility that you cant stand the thoughts of having more? Is it because of finances? Lack of sleep? Once you can determine specifics (if there are any) as to why you dont want more kids then maybe your DH can ease your mind about it, for example, would be willing to agree to take on more responsibility or agree to get up half the time for night feedings...............that may help take away your anxiety about it. If it is financial or health related then those are not things so easily cured so it may be time to stick to your guns??
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He brought it up last night...the last thing I wanted to hear!

He brought it up last night...the last thing I wanted to hear!