I don't even know where to begin or what to say... but on Wednesday night as Riley was nursing before bed on the night of his 5th week birthday my husband
informed me he was leaving me. I can't get into details right now because I am on my way to an appointment but as you can imagine I'm a wreck beyond
words. Our 6th wedding anniversary is on Monday. We've been together for 8 years and known each other for 11. The basis of him leaving is that he just
can't see us getting along at the core anymore. He said that he loves Riley and Cody so much but he doesn't love me the same way so that's how he
knew something was really wrong. Well nobody loves their children and spouse the same way, it's a different kind of love. He won't go for counselling,
says absolutely not willing to try to work through it and then tells me there is someone else and that she loves him for him etc etc. So while I'm about 7
months pregnant he finds someone else. And feels he needs to be with her instead of us because her mom is sick and dying or something. So the fact that I'm
healing from a c/section still and can barely still lift my 5 week old baby without some pain isn't enough for him to at least wait? I am on my way to an
appointment right now to speak to a counsellor that my doctor set me up with when Riley and I went for his appointment yesterday. I have more to share but I
have to go.
Girls I'm so scared. I have been left by the one person I trusted in my life and thought was my forever.
Not much of an update really. He wants to come live here so he can help with the boys. I feel in one moment like it's a good idea so he's forced to see what's going on and what he's gonna lose. I have told him I'm willing to work on whatever it takes. He says he can't be the one to get me through that... because he's just so exhausted and drained from me. But that almost sounds like maybe if I can learn to communicate with him in a more supporting way and change my expectations of him then maybe we can work it out. It's like our roles were never defined enough and I never knew that he just felt he could never live up to them and we should have talked about this before.
Then on the other hand I just want to say f him and leave. But I am so f'd for money that I can't. If I had about $5000 then I could pay off my debts in my name and then just leave him and start a new life. I am able to move in with my mom and dad for a while at least until I can go back to work full time. I want to be the one to leave... does that make sense? I almost want him to say... okay let's give it a shot or I left her or whatever and for me to say... well I no longer choose you. But I don't think I can do it. For now I am desperately trying to get it straight in my head how I can get out safely and move on with my life. Then in the next breath or sentence, I just want him back.
I know my thoughts are very random. I apologize and I thank you for trying to follow along. I've also never been broken up with in my life... of all my boyfriends over the years, the guy I almost married before Jason... it was always me who called it when it was over. So this is new to me!
Girls I'm so scared. I have been left by the one person I trusted in my life and thought was my forever.
Not much of an update really. He wants to come live here so he can help with the boys. I feel in one moment like it's a good idea so he's forced to see what's going on and what he's gonna lose. I have told him I'm willing to work on whatever it takes. He says he can't be the one to get me through that... because he's just so exhausted and drained from me. But that almost sounds like maybe if I can learn to communicate with him in a more supporting way and change my expectations of him then maybe we can work it out. It's like our roles were never defined enough and I never knew that he just felt he could never live up to them and we should have talked about this before.
Then on the other hand I just want to say f him and leave. But I am so f'd for money that I can't. If I had about $5000 then I could pay off my debts in my name and then just leave him and start a new life. I am able to move in with my mom and dad for a while at least until I can go back to work full time. I want to be the one to leave... does that make sense? I almost want him to say... okay let's give it a shot or I left her or whatever and for me to say... well I no longer choose you. But I don't think I can do it. For now I am desperately trying to get it straight in my head how I can get out safely and move on with my life. Then in the next breath or sentence, I just want him back.
I know my thoughts are very random. I apologize and I thank you for trying to follow along. I've also never been broken up with in my life... of all my boyfriends over the years, the guy I almost married before Jason... it was always me who called it when it was over. So this is new to me!
